Tag Archives: herb

The European Church Of Cannabis

European church cannabis

I have heard whispers about a new religion. Somewhere in Europe there is a bunch of devout herbalists with a story to tell about peace and love and happiness. Dodging CIA x-rays they have remained under cover so far, but it is getting out. Their religion is beginning to gather momentum. They have commandments but the bishops keep forgetting to write them down and their strict laws and bi-laws don’t get upheld because the police priests keep getting distracted by a humming noise. Anyway, the game is up. The stiff, straight-laced, handsome Europeans have given birth to a cannabis church of their own. They have established a protestant cannabis church that doesn’t believe the American churches have spoken to saint Bob as directly as the European ones have.

One of the last things Saint Bob was believed to have said was, ” you have to give it to them Europeans though man”. I think it is quite clear what this means. The church doesn’t want America getting all the glory. Its members are praying that their prohibition free dream doesn’t go up in smoke. The European Church is being set up because it is to religion, what cannabis law is to justice.

I sat in on a church service last week and it was quite moving the way the pastor said a few kind words for all the family and close friends of the victims of the Colorado Cannabis death epidemic. What the main stream media hasn’t told you is that Colorado has the highest Cannabis over dose deaths in the world. The pastor sent round a basket for a collection. The money was going to buy flowers and chocolates for the after service.

Some of the rich Swiss members have decided to flip the American model on its head. The European church is actually paying a subscription to its members instead of the normal other way round. A Danish accountant said the Swiss would go bankrupt if the church ever got going, to which the Swiss made a grunting sound. It was reported that one of the Swiss then called someone a swine, but because it was never made clear who was a swine, the matter was dropped. After a tense, but good natured pause they all went back to pointing out how different the European church was from either the First Church or the Unified Church of American cannabis.

When I asked about the church’s beliefs, the pretty young lady on my left said their beliefs stemmed from the stem of a cannabis leaf. Breathlessly I asked had she ever seen Jesus or Elvis in a cannabis leaf. She asked if I was feeling alright. I didn’t know if her line of questioning was a religious test, or maybe a hazing of some kind so I just said I had a couple of edibles before the service and I always get like this. The church itself was a normal looking, severe Calvinist interior design. Splinter giving wood forced the outer world madness back from the freedom loving sanctuary that is the belly of the congregation. The herb is the prophet. Just as Jesus before it, the herb is bringing a message of love and hope that flies in the face of the power obsessed over lords. Use the herb and try not to act too weird. A Czech asked if anyone had written the commandments down yet. Everyone looked at the Belgian half secretary. Go fuck yourselves, I never asked to be the half secretary, so I won’t be made responsible for scribing our sacred truths.

This went on for hours. The Dutch were ignoring the French. Who in turn over compensated by laughing loudly at everything the German delegation said. When the service was over, a large group of riot police came bursting through the doors. All you adults that are exercising your freedom are under arrest. Up against the wall, and spread them naughty legs. As the cops got busy touching up the hippies I quietly jumped out the window. I thought to myself, a church like this would be fun to join. I can’t wait to see the commandments, I hear they are supposed to be amazing.

How to legalize marijuana

Legalize marijuana

Politicians get paid to do the bidding of big business. We vote based on the old divide and conquer trick. I am pro choice, I am pro gun, I am pro immigrants, I am pro this or that tiny thing so I am against the other side. I am against my fellow working class person, whose life is just as shitty as mine because I have been distracted and then whipped into a frenzy by a snake oil sales man.

A vote on marijuana is different. There are working class citizens from both sides of the pretend ┬ápolitical divide that are pro marijuana. Your government couldn’t very well have the vast working class uniting on anything as this would be too dangerous for big business.

When we, as working class people decide enough is enough, the oppression of the working class will be over. No politician reaches the heights of power without becoming a warped hateful figure. As an experiment, why don’t we try uniting around getting marijuana legalized? White or black, Iranian or European. Ethiopian or Chicago born, let’s unite around this one thing. Bob Marley said the herb was the healing of the nation. The nation he was talking about was the human nation. One love, the love of your family and justice. It is time to stop listening to politicians and start organizing ourselves into activist communities. We can change our world. We can make it better. We can reject big business and its singular self interest. I believe people are more important than a companies profit. I believe the herb can heal.

What do you believe in?