Tag Archives: god

The European Church Of Cannabis

European church cannabis

I have heard whispers about a new religion. Somewhere in Europe there is a bunch of devout herbalists with a story to tell about peace and love and happiness. Dodging CIA x-rays they have remained under cover so far, but it is getting out. Their religion is beginning to gather momentum. They have commandments but the bishops keep forgetting to write them down and their strict laws and bi-laws don’t get upheld because the police priests keep getting distracted by a humming noise. Anyway, the game is up. The stiff, straight-laced, handsome Europeans have given birth to a cannabis church of their own. They have established a protestant cannabis church that doesn’t believe the American churches have spoken to saint Bob as directly as the European ones have.

One of the last things Saint Bob was believed to have said was, ” you have to give it to them Europeans though man”. I think it is quite clear what this means. The church doesn’t want America getting all the glory. Its members are praying that their prohibition free dream doesn’t go up in smoke. The European Church is being set up because it is to religion, what cannabis law is to justice.

I sat in on a church service last week and it was quite moving the way the pastor said a few kind words for all the family and close friends of the victims of the Colorado Cannabis death epidemic. What the main stream media hasn’t told you is that Colorado has the highest Cannabis over dose deaths in the world. The pastor sent round a basket for a collection. The money was going to buy flowers and chocolates for the after service.

Some of the rich Swiss members have decided to flip the American model on its head. The European church is actually paying a subscription to its members instead of the normal other way round. A Danish accountant said the Swiss would go bankrupt if the church ever got going, to which the Swiss made a grunting sound. It was reported that one of the Swiss then called someone a swine, but because it was never made clear who was a swine, the matter was dropped. After a tense, but good natured pause they all went back to pointing out how different the European church was from either the First Church or the Unified Church of American cannabis.

When I asked about the church’s beliefs, the pretty young lady on my left said their beliefs stemmed from the stem of a cannabis leaf. Breathlessly I asked had she ever seen Jesus or Elvis in a cannabis leaf. She asked if I was feeling alright. I didn’t know if her line of questioning was a religious test, or maybe a hazing of some kind so I just said I had a couple of edibles before the service and I always get like this. The church itself was a normal looking, severe Calvinist interior design. Splinter giving wood forced the outer world madness back from the freedom loving sanctuary that is the belly of the congregation. The herb is the prophet. Just as Jesus before it, the herb is bringing a message of love and hope that flies in the face of the power obsessed over lords. Use the herb and try not to act too weird. A Czech asked if anyone had written the commandments down yet. Everyone looked at the Belgian half secretary. Go fuck yourselves, I never asked to be the half secretary, so I won’t be made responsible for scribing our sacred truths.

This went on for hours. The Dutch were ignoring the French. Who in turn over compensated by laughing loudly at everything the German delegation said. When the service was over, a large group of riot police came bursting through the doors. All you adults that are exercising your freedom are under arrest. Up against the wall, and spread them naughty legs. As the cops got busy touching up the hippies I quietly jumped out the window. I thought to myself, a church like this would be fun to join. I can’t wait to see the commandments, I hear they are supposed to be amazing.

The cannabis religion

cannabis religion

Sheltered from the last of the bleak winter that folds around the old, wood built cabin that passes for their church, these cannabis evangelicals are in surprisingly good humor. Each Tuesday they meet and discuss their faith. Sometimes traveling miles so they can sit and contemplate life from within the warm embrace of their church. Recently the congregation has grown, they are now looking for a larger chapel to help them spread the word. Due to the persecution they get from non believers, the church has remained a closely guarded secret.

The familiar, loving experience that is a visit to their weekly service, stands in stark contrast to the prohibition horror stories each member has had to endure. They have all, quite literally suffered for their faith. Myself and about 30 other people take our seats when the pastor moves to the raised oak pulpit. Lily has been the head of this group for more than 25 years. She is a gentle, dignified looking woman in her middle age. As she beams down on us all, you can feel the room tuning into her frequency.

“Welcome everyone, I hope we don’t have any members left stranded out there in the blizzard”. Lily went on to tell us about the role she sees for the church, as well as sharing wisdom and humor. The church is to be an example of compassion and evolution she said. We are here to share experiences, to embrace ourselves and the wider community. She reminded us that this is our one and only known chance to live and celebrate the here and now. All of creation is a sacred gift for us to enjoy. We must rediscover sharing and cooperation if we are going to  build the perfect society which allows both us and the natural world to thrive.

We begin with ourselves. Finding out who we really are is a sacrament. Trying to live by the standards that Mother Nature has given us is a fundamental goal. In short, trying to be the best version of ourselves. Once we understand who we are and what direction we would most prefer our lives to take, we get on with it. Make it happen and help those around you that want the same thing. It is your religious duty to be in a constant state of learning. We are here to evolve. You have to judge your actions based on the entire consequences of those actions. We are part of the problem until we become conscious enough to do our part to promote a better society.

She spoke at length about our duty to be authentic. Working together is more fun. Sitting in a grey, work cubical and punching things into a computer is not the full expression of humanity. It is a perversion. We were not meant to be seven billion strangers on the planet. We are family, Asian cousins, Indian uncles and European aunts. At our root, we are all from the same species, sharing the same bit of rock hurtling through infinite space and time. The non believers that oppress us believe that they are outside of nature and are masters of it. This is the same situation as when a small child throws a temper tantrum at its mother because she will not let the child play in the busy street. We are from nature, we are nature and it is time to become a more natural society. We have amazing technology and intelligence, so lets start channeling that smarts into practical things that can save the planet. Modern society is sick. Consumerism has not turned out to be anything other than a business scam to pollute the planet while benefiting only a handful of sociopaths.

The vision Lily has for society is beautiful. I don’t know if it was the ideals or the wicked white widow that made me tune into the church. All I know is that I will be attending next Tuesdays gathering. As we become adults there is a certain amount of disappointment that comes with growing up. Things keep changing. Those golden yesterdays will fade whether we like it or not and in the end, the only thing we really ever have is the present moment. Look around you, this is it. The perspective we choose to view this moment with however, is up to us. Looking up at Lily I choose to see the world as a smile. I don’t know how practical this religion is, but I sure hope it catches on.