Conversation with big pharma on cannabis

Cannabis is one of the most dangerous substances known to man. It is literally worth locking you in a cage with murderers and rapists just to protect you from this plant.

Praguepot(PP): Sorry big pharma did you say something?

Big pharma(BP): Don’t mind me, I am just mumbling to myself as I lovingly look over my profit and loss statements for 2014.

Praguepot(PP): Good year for you?

Big pharma(BP): In the drug business, it is always a good year! We have the perfect scam going, we give you medicine and then we give you more medicine for the side effects. Each time you pop a pill your system gets weakened.

Praguepot(PP): So you guys don’t really care about helping people?

Big pharma(BP): That is not true. I love helping myself and my fellow big pharmaceutical company executives make a personal fortune.

PP: Do you not feel bad? Don’t forget that the ones taking your drugs are real people.

BP: Listen kid, now that I am filthy rich I have acquired expensive tastes. I only drink expensive wine and over priced food.

PP: What has that got to do with your responsibility to patients looking for cures?

BP: In the pharmaceutical industry, people are just numbers. The more pill poppers the better for me personally. I need a water front holiday home and various other status symbols to deflect the conversation away from how I make my money.

PP: I can imagine. But just between the two of us, how do you make your money?

BP: We use good old fashioned hard work to find cures for diseases. We have massive laboratories filled with the smartest people, systematically testing and creating chemicals. We have invested billions of dollars creating pills that fight depression for example. Once we find drugs that seem to help, we pay scientists to write articles about our discoveries. Next we talk to government agencies about approving these drugs, and by offering jobs in the future or benefits now, we get our shiny drug agency approval.

PP: So this is an expensive, complicated business model.

BP: You better believe it is. We are so incredibly profitable that we want to make it as difficult as possible for some new drug dealer to break into our racket.

PP: So you must hate all this cannabis legalization stuff.

BP: Cannabis becoming legal is our greatest fear. Up until those crazy Colorado folks legalized it we had a near perfect monopoly. We had the drugs that kept people alive, so they had to pay whatever our price was. Now cannabis can be used instead of our pills and even worse for us, everyone can grow their own medicine.

PP: Yes, but from a human evolution point of view this is good news.

BP: What are you talking about? This is a disaster. Once people realize they don’t need toxic pills to cure themselves we are ducked.

PP: What is ducked?

BP: Sorry, I am writing on my iPad, ducked is being fucked, only with more feathers! Pharmaceutical companies only have one task, to make money. We have been successful at this but now that cannabis is making a medical come back we are very worried.

PP: Maybe you could grow pot too.

BP: You don’t understand. We are only about making profit. We could grow marijuana on an industrial scale but then so can other people. That is too much competition for our liking. Our organization has become so big that it can’t change course very easily. Medical Marijuana puts lots of our most profitable pills out of business. For years we paid government officials to talk of the evils of cannabis and we funded research proving how bad it is for you.

PP: So cannabis is bad for your health?

BP: Unfortunately we couldn’t come up with any data proving pot is unhealthy so we just confused the argument with emotional nonsense.

PP: How very clever of you.

BP: Thank you, we have full departments of people working out ways to block cannabis legalization. The only problem is people now know about the health benefits of the plant. Unlike alcohol, when each sip of beer is having a slight but real negative effect on your body, pot is increasing your health. We knew marijuana was healthy but now our customers know it. Cannabis is yet to kill a single patient where as our drugs are consistently killing our patients. It is really hard to demonize the plant when the public knows this.

PP: I guess luckily for you, not all the public knows that yet.

BP: Thanks to our misinformation campaigns we have kept some sick people in ignorant bliss. Just because some of the side effects our pills give are worse than the illness they treat, we shouldn’t start looking for damned hippie natural alternatives. I mean what is so bad about a sudden bout of internal bleeding every once in a while?

PP: Medicine is supposed to help people. When we mix up money with medicine you get the kind of evil that we see today. Cannabis prohibition was a business decision not a public safety one. Pharmaceutical companies have made a fortune out of sick and vulnerable patients. With no natural remedies seemingly available we all became pill poppers. Today pot gives us a natural alternative. I know from personal experience that cannabis treats many ailments so I don’t feel sorry for the massive, obscenely profitable legal drug dealers as they face the destruction of their way of life. All the lobbyists in the world couldn’t keep one very simple truth from the public, cannabis is a natural health giving plant that can replace a surprising number of toxic pills.

And so ends another conversation between a criminal and an up standing citizen. It is amazing that cannabis has been treated as a danger to society when the science proves it is an incredibly healthy plant. Knowledge has and always will be power. Big pharma has profited from our ignorance but that is now changing. Get informed, get active and if you can, get growing!!!

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