The cannabis debate
Pro pot activist: I want to thank you all for coming along to listen to me today. We are going to discuss the benefits of cannabis, and look at the current scientific information on the plant.
Anti pot activist: This person is a criminal. The law says it is illegal to have anything to do with marijuana. You should be arrested.
Pro pot activist: There are many current laws that formerly were illegal. A woman’s right to vote, the mixing of different ethnic races on buses and it was even a crime to misuse gods name!
Anti pot activist: It should still be against the law to take baby Jesus’s name in vain.
Pro pot activist: Oy vey, this is going to be a long pointless debate. Yes cannabis is illegal. It has been made illegal most likely on racial grounds. Hemp was a huge part of the American economy up until just before the second world war. As the jazz age progressed it was falsely reported that smoking cannabis made decent white girls want to dance like devils and sleep with black men. This is a harsh statement today (thank god, I mean baby Jesus) but this was the way the mainstream media portrayed the situation. Falsehood after falsehood were presented to the public as fact. Marijuana makes you psychotic, it makes you a communist, a feminist, a radical.
Anti pot activist: I still believe marijuana makes you a radical.
Pro pot activist: Is it radical to think for yourself? To look at all the information and then come to your own conclusion?
Anti pot activist: Fox news warned me about people like you. Using your science to prove things and trying to have an intellectual debate rather than an emotional one.
Pro pot activist: Fox news is owned by an Australian psychopathic capitalist, but we are not here to talk about Rupert Murdock, we are here to talk about pot. The American government did research into cannabis back in 1975 which revealed the cancer fighting properties of the plant. President Nixon however, had already started the war on drugs. What was his rational for the war on drugs? Well in his own words; “You know, it’s a funny thing, every one of the bastards that are out for legalizing marijuana are Jewish. What the Christ is the matter with the Jews, Bob? What is the matter with them? I suppose it is because most of them are psychiatrists”.
Anti pot activist: I don’t really approve of that language. President Nixon was a good Republican and if it wasn’t for that darn liberal media, he never would have been impeached.
Pro pot activist: So Nixon started the war on drugs. It just so happened that the anti Vietnam war protesters also liked to smoke pot. Targeting the pot smokers also very conveniently meant that Nixon’s boys could lock up people speaking out against his murderous policies.
Anti pot activist: You know what, you sound like one of them Beijing red socialist types my pappy warned me against.
Pro pot activist: A socialist society in its simple form, cares for all members of society and provides a safety net for the most vulnerable ones. Wait, lets stick to pot. We are here to talk about pot, not your half knowledge of general racist stereotype talking points that the Republican party has force fed you through Fox News. We have scientific data showing that compounds in cannabis have cancer fighting properties. The plant also helps with epileptic seizures, is a powerful anti inflammatory agent and relieves pain without the toxic side affects associated with the current pain relieving medicine.
Anti pot activist: So you are trying to say marijuana is a medicine now?
Pro pot activist: Yes cannabis has fantastic medicinal properties. The Endocannabinoid system benefits from cannabis consumption. We are only now starting to unlock the true power of the plant after wasting years on the ineffective prohibition of the plant. Cancer, AIDS patients, Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease and chronic pain sufferers all report beneficial results when they use cannabis as a treatment.
Anti pot activist: I don’t care what you say, baby Jesus says it is a sin to smoke marijuana.
Pro pot activist: “The Lord said unto me, ‘I will take my rest and I will consider in my dwelling place like a clear heat upon herbs.’ ” — Isaiah 18:4-5. I don’t know exactly what this means but it does seem to suggest that Jesus was cool with heating herbs. Our bodies naturally produce cannabinoids, in fact breast milk is rich in cannabinoids so the cannabis plant complements something that is natural to our bodies. It also strengthens our immune system.
Anti pot activist: I know you want me to change my mind, especially given the weight of all the evidence that cannabis is a medically beneficial plant, but I was raised to do what I am told.
Pro pot activist: Here smoke this.
Anti pot activist: What is it?
Pro pot activist: You said you do what you are told, so smoke this.
Anti pot activist: Hmm this tastes good. I feel all light and giggly. What were we fighting about. Man this is some good ass weed.
Pro pot activist: I’m sorry, you forced me to medicate you.
Anti pot activist: No man, you were right. I can be such an asshole sometimes. I mean, I can really get on my high horse. I don’t get enough vigorous sex at home so I have become kind of crusty. Does pot help with that.
Pro pot activist: Cannabis affects your nervous system so it will highten your sense of pleasure.
Anti pot activist: It is like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I was so tense. You know what, I think Fox News is full of shit, in fact I think maybe all politicians are full of it.
Pro pot activist: Pot relieves stress. Fox news and Co. have managed to keep the stress levels very high, not to mention the amount of work we must do just to make enough money to actually live. When we think for ourselves and reject corporate inspired, and bought mass media information we can see society is not benefiting the common person.
Anti pot activist: Wow, that must be a threat for the system.
Pro pot activist: It is a threat. The pharmaceutical industry alone stands to lose huge profits if cannabis replaces their toxic manufactured chemicals. There is also a massive law enforcement industry; weapons, private prisons, over time and the legal system that will lose billions of dollars of state funds if cannabis is legalized.
Anti pot activist: Are you hungry, I think I saw a Taco Bell up the road. I think we could walk there in like five minutes.